


Erato, Melpomene, and Joni Mitchell.

by Alithea



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-29
Updated: 2010-01-29
Packaged: 2017-10-06 19:36:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/57066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alithea/pseuds/Alithea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU setting. Sally is set to move on passed her past, but a phone call and a meeting intrude upon her plans of forgetting and possibly even healing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Erato, Melpomene, and Joni Mitchell.

Like the distance calling  
I feel you  
Falling…  
Away from me and into the dark  
A dream that haunts my nights  
Because I fear the truth in it  
If I was ever meant for you  
Oh…  
But I know this much is true  
Things just haven't been the same  
Since I met you

Gray fall days always reminded her of the past, and, whether remembering was a blessing or a curse, Sally still drifted back to the days when she was young, and, in her eyes, terribly foolish. A drop of rain hit the sidewalk just outside the café she sat in. The small patter soon bursting into a downpour, and the civilians outside began to scatter like mice on a sinking ship, running for any cover available, awnings, newspapers, or coats. She chuckled softly to herself and she didn't know why she found it funny. Perhaps it was because she never minded the bad weather, or more because she enjoyed the rain and even the snow. Beneath a gray sky the ordinary colors of the world shone brighter, reds and greens standing and stepping out from the background to be witnessed in a new light.

The pale of her slight grin washed away softly as she settled back into the plush armchair to sip at her coffee and pretend to read the volume of modern poetry sitting in her lap. She brought the book to hide her habit of people watching. She liked to blame that habit on the military she had once served with astute reverence. She perked an eyebrow as she flipped a page and read over a poem, tracing her fingers over the slightly raised print. It struck her as something familiar.

Too much  
too soon  
And lost to earth  
forgotten shards of glass  
A drop of red  
And two of blue  
Too much  
Making violet  
Eyes that always stung  
A Moon  
splintered by unspoken myth  
and yes  
too much  
too soon

It read like an apology to her, a something written to make up for what could not be mended. She sighed and shut the book. She never tried to understand poetry. It was like trying to understand a dream, and, honestly, she thought dreams made more sense. The odd punctuation and randomly capitalized words seemed a bit dishonest to her, as if being a poet meant having to be grammatically difficult just to prove artistry.

The harsh beating of the wind and rain outside was calming. The shower dying into the light patter it had started as.

Her mug nearly empty she removed herself from the comfortable chair and sauntered over to purchase another cappuccino. The girl behind the counter greeted her warmly, a little flirtation muffled under the common rhythm of taking an order. She tried not to flirt back, but failed, her cool light blue eyes and thin smile beginning a dance she wanted to believe she was getting too old for. And inwardly she chuckled for thinking herself so old. Barely thirty, she was aware of how much life she had yet to live.

She stepped aside casually to wait for her order, ceasing the flirtation and the passing fancy of taking that happy dance of knowing glances and coy smiles a step further. It would have been fun, she thought, to break her routine of decidedly lonely nights and take a young lover to bed. But, those fun and fleeting things had long worn their welcome. Picking up her refreshed mug she retreated back to her chair, laughing inwardly as she recalled, yet again, how gray days made her wander over what had been.

And she had been… She had once been Major Sally Po one of the youngest officers ever decorated with honors and medals. A rising star, and if she had actually cared about prolonging her military career she could have been a general. She shrugged as she sat down, because she didn't care. The army was just a step to capturing an education, and once she had the knowledge she needed she respectfully bowed out, much to the dismay of many of her subordinates.

And she had also been a bit of a "player", the younger troops' word not hers, but it fit.

She didn't miss either of the things she had been. She missed her boys, but not the things she inevitably had to send them into. She missed the things that people often do and nothing more, nothing less.

Her focus wandered to the window, the darkening sky, the chill that waited for her, and suddenly found herself missing violet eyes looking down into her. She bit at the inside of her mouth, the first lines of that apologetic poem playing in her head: "Too much, too soon".

Turning on, for the millionth time,  
The stereo  
To play a song, for the millionth time,  
That reminds me  
You broke my heart  
You went away  
You said goodbye  
And I knew you would  
I knew you would  
Turning out, for the millionth time,  
The lights  
Turning down, for the millionth time,  
The bed we used to share  
Sinking in to remind me  
You stole the sun  
You took your leave  
You left me  
And I knew you would  
I knew you would  
Because you were the one  
Born to  
Take, shatter, and break me

It was dark when she finally gathered her things and stepped outside. Cold and damp, and her nose ran as she walked along the silvery moonlit pavement. Her wheat blonde hair was tucked up in a knit cap, and her old brown leather pilot's jacket was zipped up tight though the wind still found a way through it. Her stride was light and purposeful, barely reminiscent of the way a soldier, new or old, moved. The neighborhood in which she lived was crowded with polite and quaint apartment buildings, a rainbow of color even at night. Her feet brought her home safely and she jogged up the steps to her front door, and then up the stairwell to the third floor where she dwelled.

The deadbolt slid open with a clunk and Sally went through the easy process of removing her hat and jacket, tossing them sloppily over the arm of the couch as she moved to her bedroom. She ignored the flashing red light on her answering machine for as long as she could. Giving in and listening with a smile as solicitors and friends vied for her attention. The last message hit her ears with restless remembrance and she had to play it over and again to make sure she had heard it correctly. She hit the play button on the machine and gripped the edge of the bed.

Beep!

"…" She heard a long sigh and then the nervous sound of lips preparing to speak. "Hi…" Another sigh and then, "God, why am I doing this? … I'm sure you can guess, but- Fuck!… I'm sorry Sal…forget I called."

Beep!

She bit at the inside of her mouth again before sighing sadly and picked up the phone. She held it for a long while, two minutes to be exact, but she hated being exact. And after she remembered to breathe her fingers found the correct numbers to dial and she held the phone to her ear listening to the rings, and tried not to count. An answering machine finally clicked on and she sighed before she left her own tentative message.

"So… What was that about? Never mind. You sounded… miserable…" And it was there that she had to remember not use the endearing term, "love". She tripped over the first letter until she found something to say, "L-Lucrezia… I-"

The quick noise of a receiver being picked up and the answering machine being shut off hit her ears suddenly, followed by a voice she could never hope to forget.

"Don't say anything you'll regret later." The woman on the other end sighed. "I'm sorry called. I shouldn't have."

"Don't be noble with me," Sally breathed softly. "What happened?"

"I… I mis-… I got burned."

"Oh."

"Don't."

"What?"

"Don't do that thing you always do when you've caught me lying."

"Well then maybe you shouldn't lie." Sally heard a sniff. "What do you need?"

"I don't know."

"Sounds like you haven't changed."

"Oh fuck you. That isn't fair."

"No?" Her teeth tapped together. "No. You're right it isn't. Sorry. Don't cry…please."

"I'm not." Another sniff.

"Then I guess you just have a bad cold right?"

"Right. Come over?"

"No."

"You asked what you could do."

"I don't want to see his things cluttering your living room."

"Not much left to see. Please?"

"No. Coffee?"

"Do we really need to meet in such safe places?"

"Yes."

"Why, don't you trust me?"

"It's not you I'm worried about, Luca." The nickname made a catch in her throat and she had to keep from crying. "Coffee? Yes or no?"

"Fine."

"Thirty minutes."

"Thirty minutes. Sal-"

"Don't say anything you'll regret," Sally said, cutting in before gently hanging up the receiver.

I swear it isn't fair  
That you know all my habits  
And all I have to say is one word  
And you know everything that's wrong  
Everything that's sour  
I swear it isn't fair  
That we should know each other so well  
Even after being apart  
Even after tearing things in two

It was a ten-minute walk to the coffee shop. She had said thirty minutes though, because it gave her time to prepare, time to consult with herself over what she could and could not say. To remember that it was Lucrezia Noin that did the leaving and lying, and not the other way around. And she reminded herself, because she liked to forget that it wasn't her fault. And she reminded herself, because she liked to forget that she wasn't young and in love.

Her pace along the sidewalk was quicker than usual, an almost pleading desperation carried in each footfall. She cursed under her breath. She wasn't ready.

She stood outside, hiding from the warmth of the shop. Her hair draped over her shoulders, loose and tousled by the wind, ears slightly frozen because in her haste to take her time she had forgotten her knit cap. With a deep breath she entered the establishment and found a table for two, draping her jacket over her chair, marking her place, setting the stage for the improvisation that was to come. She ordered a regular cup of coffee and sat in waiting. She had ten minutes.

Sally Po didn't want to be a comfort. She didn't want to give in to her caring nature and that feeling, lost deep within her, that begged to be Lucrezia's savior. Sipping her coffee she understood that the things she didn't want were the things she always fell to.

Before she was ready she heard the chair across from her slide along the floor. Sally looked up slowly to meet violet eyes she always thought too beautiful to look sad. She sucked in a deep breath and waited. Hoping she wouldn't have to start the conversation.

"No braids," Lucrezia muttered softly, an internal comment spoken aloud.

"I stopped that a few years ago." The whisper of a grin tugged at the corner of Sally's mouth. "You let you hair get longer." She had to keep herself from reaching across the small table and touching.

"I need a hair cut," Lucrezia replied, brushing back her neatly untamed black hair, violet under the pale lights of the coffee shop, which fell to her shoulders.

"So…" Sally dipped her gaze to the steamy depths of her drink, watching her reflection drown in the dark liquid.

"I didn't mean to call."

"You say that, but I doubt you mean it." Sally's voice was a polite and slightly husky whisper. "You never mean to call."

"No, I never do. I was…" Lucrezia fought for a word. "I was desperate."

"I know. So what happened?"

"He left."

"So I gathered. Give me more to work with."

"He decided to go back to his true love."

"I see."

"Do you?" She sounded so bitter.

"Alright then L-Lucrezia," She stopped herself from using the nickname. "Make me understand it better."

"Why are you so forgiving?"

"I'm not. I never was. I just… I can't be angry with you right now. If you want to have a fight we can do that after I finish my coffee."

"I don't want to fight."

Lucrezia stood from the table and Sally watched her as she ordered something to drink. Sitting back down with her espresso cup she understood why nothing could ever be fixed, so she sighed.

"I think I want to use you as revenge. I think… I think that's why I called," Lucrezia confessed. "Did you ever do that?"

Sally nodded. "You forget who you're talking to. I've been used for revenge before, and I hated myself for it, but used someone once or twice for the same thing."

"Who?"

"A lady," she replied honestly, taking in the ache. "And a princess." She shook her head. "It was silly of me."

Lucrezia's silence cut at her. So she reached her hand across the table half expecting her ex-lover to pull away, and half expecting to be welcomed. It was a mix of both and Sally didn't know what she could say.

"How do you want me to react to you, Luca? What do you want to hear? You want forgiveness? I can try. You want me to argue with you and leave you aching? I can do that too. I'm out of ideas and things to say that don't hurt or make me remember. I loved you. I lost you, and now… Now you're here and I feel like I'm stuck in a Joni Mitchell song."

"Bitter and sweet," Lucrezia whispered. "Like holy wine. One of those lines?"

"I was thinking about being a lonely painter living in a box of paints, but you get the picture."

"I do."

I remember the first time I fell in love with you  
I told you  
You'd be the one to make me lose  
Make me cry  
And I remember the first time I kissed you  
Yes, you said you loved me  
But I knew very well  
That all the love in the world could never keep you nearer to me  
So are we lost at sea together  
Waiting for the tide to bring us back in  
Oh I know you say you still want me  
But…let's be honest  
You just want me so you can feel free  
The tide will catch us once again  
I'm afraid I won't return  
Twice forgotten  
I'm not so kind  
But that you always knew  
That you always held as true

The crowds around them began to thin and they knew they would either have to part or continue in another location. As they walked they silently made their decision, and Sally heard her heart screaming a soft protest as she unlocked the door to her apartment and let Lucrezia in.

They set their jackets aside and sat in the small living room on an old but comfortable couch. They stared at each other for a while reading the things that couldn't be spoken.

Feeling a need for small talk Lucrezia spoke. "You know, you're the only one who uses my first name."

Sally tilted her head slightly and chuckled, "I thought I was the only one allowed to use your first name?"

"That too."

"I never understood that."

"I just really abhorred my first name, and everyone seemed to agree with me but you."

"Your name makes you who you are. It's a part of you…like a finger or appendix."

"Now you're just being silly."

"I can't be?" She fought the urge to reach over and tickle Lucrezia's side. She smiled remembering how much her ex hated that.

"What are we doing?"

"You started it. We're playing at a conversation because we don't have anything left to say to each other." Sally offered. "Or maybe we're just avoiding what needs to be said?"

"Maybe."

"And what needs to be said is very simple, Luca." Sally slipped into a somber tone. "If you use me for revenge there won't be anything left for later. You'll never get to call on me again."

"I know."

"If you know why are you going to do it anyway?"

Sally knew Lucrezia didn't have answer, and she could easily pretend to be strong and make the violet-eyed woman leave her house, but it was a dark and lonely night. There was wind howling outside rapping at the windows, and rain falling in a heavy shower.

She always knew there was no such thing as a second chance for them. She always wished it wasn't true. She wanted to send her love out into the storm and she wanted to take her love to a warm bed. Sally was sure she could have been stronger if it hadn't been a gray fall day, if she had not been lingering on what had been, and went back to memories of what was.

Silence and quiet, the still between them making a decision, and living with the choice tugged them closer. Sally reached out a hand and gracefully pulled Lucrezia towards her, biting at the inside of her mouth.

"This won't fix what you lost," Sally whispered quickly.

"I'm sorry."

"If you were sorry you wouldn't have called…and I…wouldn't have called back."

Violet to blue, eyes locked and focused on what was to come. And Sally was sure even if a million years passed between them she would still know just how to bring Lucrezia into a kiss. She pulled her ex closer, till she could feel the full weight of her burden. If it were anyone else she would have fought for supremacy and while she understood her control she knew it would only take her so far. So her lips found those above her and she almost pulled away because she recognized the kiss. It was one that would leave her with the first call of morning. But she let it go, on and again, one kiss to two until there was nothing left but want.

It is  
The very touch of your skin  
That makes me ache  
Sweet poison  
And a bitter taste  
A slide of hips  
The pull of your lips  
A wash of your breath  
Soft and still against my ear  
Your voice a wish  
A song like light  
Darker than I care to see  
You hold me captive to this night  
A kiss could kill  
If I didn't know it well  
And we meet  
Again…  
Over and over  
Calling our prayers  
Whispering our wants  
Till there is nothing  
And the dawn wakes the world

The storm passed leaving the morning calm and clear. Blue sky and sun mocking the very thought of autumn. If she opened her eyes she didn't want to see. She was tired and sure that nothing would save the day from beating against her door. She would have to wake and face the world with her sins all in tact and her heart where it had been from the start, broken in bits, shattered like glass. And then a tickle across the flat of her stomach forced her to open her eyes.

Violet eyes stared down at her and she found a way to keep from gasping.

"What are you doing?"

"I don't know…but I couldn't leave."

"And you can't promise to stay…Don't do this to me."

"Then kick me out."

Sally winced at the thought. Shut her eyes and shook her head. Lips brushed against her neck.

"When we're both turned to dust I hope you'll be satisfied," Sally whispered. She sucked in a breath. She didn't want to wound, she didn't want to hurt, but as she always knew, as she had said, it was those things she always fell to.

And we'll cast fire  
Brimstone  
Deep  
We'll hurl lightening  
Yell thunder  
And sleep  
Break each other under the weight of our sorrow  
And cast aside what was love  
For the vengeance of tomorrow

End.


End file.
